I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
