sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
should my penis look like a turkey
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
my god I love twenty year old dicks
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
