I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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