I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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