At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
