i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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