we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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