I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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