see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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