I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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