just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
