I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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