He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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