Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
