Its about making memories worth repressing
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
