He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize