Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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