At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
