If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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