too bad you live with your parents still
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He better not be in your backpack
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
