dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
