So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
