We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
