thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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