Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
