Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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