**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
