And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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