I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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