I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
