Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
