She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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