you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
