I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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