Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
