I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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