Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
