First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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