Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
