the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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