Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All the doctor said was why
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
