I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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