Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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