So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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