I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
