I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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