no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
