He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
