i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
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