I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
