Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
