make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My dick has a subreddit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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