It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
