I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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