You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
