I think I died a long time ago.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
