So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
