ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
