no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
