return my video game
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
