wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Come see our sink grown plant.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
