i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
