If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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