lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
