I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
